"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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