Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
