cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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