I puked a lego.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
someone owes me an orgasm
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
