i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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