is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think i have two assholes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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