they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Randomize
