Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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