Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
