You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
