my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
