On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He has the fingertips of a God
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