meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
