I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
