We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
