I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I understand Curling. That high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
