One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
