Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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