The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
