You work out of a Hotel?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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