it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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