She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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