This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
