I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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