8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
