HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to cum in my sink.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
