I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
