We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
