fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
