Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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