you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
