it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i think i just lost a toe
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
