Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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