nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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