my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
