Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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