so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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