If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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