Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
