The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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