lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
