so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
