UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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