i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
