I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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