My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
