I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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