did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
