I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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