Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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