I must be too annoying 4 u.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
