Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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