Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
