at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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