My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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