I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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