Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
