Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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