Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
