No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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