I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
