Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
