I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
