I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
