Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize