she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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