Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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