i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
FUCK WHALES
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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