just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
