I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
