Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
