one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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