I wannas sexs uuuuu
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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