Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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