dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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