Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
