if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
