Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
