Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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