whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
